re·spon·si·bil·i·ty

Response ability, ability to respond, taking responsibility.

I have been processing and thinking about this a lot over the last few months, especially in regard to my last relationship. Wanting to take responsibility and not being able to see what I did 'wrong' or how I contributed but knowing that the only way to move on and fully have compassion for myself and him was to take responsibility for my part in the relationship because all the blame and resentment and anger feels so restricting, redundant and stifling and keeps us stuck in our story of who did what and the reasons we still feel shitty and blaming him for that feeling when he's happily going on about his life with a new partner. Whether or not he has taken responsibility should be no concern of mine. My only concern should be recognizing the role I played, whether it was enabling his bad behavior by not communicating and standing up for myself or allowing myself to be disempowered by not listening to my intuition right from the beginning of the relationship and therefore following a path that was not completely in alignment with who I was and therefore neither with him. I am reminded here of a quote I heard the other day that says: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them". In other words, don't try and make them into something that they are not and are not capable of being. Accept them for who they are completely and if it doesn't work for you, move on based on what they show you. I definitely have learned that it is true: actions speak louder than words. If someone is constantly treating you badly, being manipulative, unkind etc. don't try and make them something else. You can't make them be affectionate, deep, aware. Own your part, communicate how you feel and move on before diving in too deeply and giving everything and idealizing and then allowing resentments to build because you're not receiving or experiencing your ideal with this person. Of course sometimes it doesn't seem that easy when you're in the midst of the relationship and all you want to do is love no matter what, and keep on keeping on. The key is really listening to that subtle voice. It definitely is there. Don't deny it. I know that I have a way of looking deeper into the 'potential' of someone but sometimes this potential is never realized. I don't have time for this anymore. To wait, to coax good behavior out of someone. I know what I want and I am ready to fully let greatness in. First for myself - to fill my own cup to overflowing and express who I am fully. To step up and claim all that I have worked very hard for and to be met in that fullness by someone who has also done the work, who is self actualized and full. I want the whole cake, not just a measly few crumbs. I deserve it.