Layers

There is a lot on the surface, underneath and in-between.

How many times in this day did I dishonor myself? How many times did I say yes when I meant no?

Did I keep going when I wanted to rest? Did I do things that felt like they were draining my soul and deadening my spirit? How much longer will I do these things? Where is the end of the line? Is it after a disaster or is it now?

All these questions have been asked before and I'm sure I will ask them again. The inquiry goes to self worth and why it is so difficult to express and let out what I feel? Where did this start? Understanding that the anger leads the way. Anger because I lock my self in a cage and don't speak up. Because I wasn't allowed to when I was younger and so have chosen to continue this cycle. The pain body is funny that way. It wants what it knows. It's an addiction. I must let it go. Honor myself. Validate myself. Listen to myself.