Compassion and Trust

I dreamed last night that I was dancing in the air. It's a recurring dream that I've had for years and takes place in different places every time. I've been in nature and dance studios and lifted myself up into the top of cathedral spires. It's very real and feels amazing. I hadn't had one in a while and was feeling a bit disappointed about it. The first part of the dream though, I was standing back stage in a theater waiting to go on to dance as I have many times in real life and in dreams and I realized I hadn't been on stage in so long. I couldn't find the right shoes and I asked one of the other dancers where I could find them as I hadn't been there for 4 years. She said that it had been more like 8 years. I felt disappointed and out of place and panicky because I didn't have the right shoes and I didn't even know where to start looking. The theater was so big and the dressing room so far away from the stage.
This week it seems has felt like that. I've been under the weight of a lot of difficult decision making and anxiety. I've been working really hard but not on the right things and doubting my direction.
Lifting myself into the air and doing my own dance feels better to me than fitting into someone else's show. Some of the things I had been committed to over the last few months, things that I thought would elevate me, I quit this week and even though there was opposition, I stood firm. But then later I doubted it all again. Some things have seemed like they have been unclear and falling apart and I've felt I've been digressing in some ways. I've felt sad...fearful even.
I woke up this morning and read the article below by Matt Licata and it helped ease this discomfort.
Even though things seem unclear I will stand in a place of compassion and love with myself and trust.

Photo: Peter Benke. Editing: Sivitri Multimedia

"At times, answers will come to your questions, and at other times confusion will surge. The longing for resolution feels urgent. You are so tired.
There was some idea that as you opened, as you awakened – as you gave everything to know what is true – that clarity would dawn, that the burning would diminish, and that the groundlessness would yield to bliss. But love is not organized around your preferences and your most cherished beliefs. It is unprecedented, outrageous, and a firestorm of untamed creativity.
For a moment, you forgot that the beloved will shape shift into any form in order to bring your heart alive. While you may have a bias for the sweet, the joyful, the clear, and the safe, the beloved has no such bias. For she is equally prepared to unleash the fierce, the destructive, and the chaotic to reach you and to reassemble the inner and outer worlds.
Before you abandon the erupting reorganization and scramble to resolve it with spiritual belief and process, consider the possibility that this reordering is sacred, and not in need of your ‘transformation’ or ‘healing.’ It is intelligent and pure, but its wisdom may always feel disorienting to the density of the conceptual. Drop into the realm of the body and rest in the pathways of unfolding dark and light.
Within the crucible of somatic reconfiguration, it is inevitable that old dreams will fall away and who you thought you were will be incinerated into ashes of integration. Stay embodied to the crumbling disappointment for it is consecrated with piercing aliveness. It is forming the womb required for new forms of love and creativity to take birth inside you.
It can be astonishing to realize that everyone and everything is being uniquely arranged for your illumination." 
- Matt Licata